12-13-04 - 9:48 a.m.
another yuletide; new state, new home, new baby, new life. all these blessings and things generally suck, what with automotive problems, colic problems, a gaping incision in my armpit and no insurance, the doc-in-the-box rubbing his chin and doing that foreboding "hmmm" thing that men of medicine must perfect in school. and then there's spencer, the new father who seems bent on perfecting his lights-are-on-and-nobody's-home routine; my contempt for this kid is chilling the house worse than the frigid air outside. i am broke, and being my proud mother's daughter, i depend on no one; berries bought hay for the horse and i wanted to cry with shame. get over it, you say, after all, they enjoy chez sage rent free. yeah, but i ENJOY being the matriarch. i fucking love it. and overanalytical creature that i am, i now believe this whole sucky situation is paybacks. that's right, karma. for being smug and thinking i had this whole "life" thing figured out, right to the last dime.
well, fuck me.