06-12-03 - 8:37 a.m.
just suppose.
suppose you were closing in on a half century of lifetime and nearing the end of yet another awkward year. suppose, despondent and isolated after closing one heartbreaking, beautiful door and waiting for the next to open, you lost yourself in a cycle of cheap wine and sleep and mindless television for weeks, numbing the hurt, because a wise woman, your mother, once said...
this too shall pass
and because she was wise, because she was your mother, you believe her.
suppose one night, between the next glass of wine and er rerun, you're reckless and drunk enough to fall for a smart and catchy ad campaign; the one for yahoo personals, the one featuring all those hapless lonelyhearts rehearsing their HI's in a mirror.
why them? you think. why not me?
and just suppose, armed with a bad vintage of dutch guts, you sit at the computer and enroll in a crash course of internet dumpster diving.
hi, the ads say. i'm rich and single and well adjusted and i like moonlit walks on the beach and puppies and children from a previous marriage and i'm looking for a woman just like you, especially if you're slim and petite and blond and practice the ancient art of comprising-your-soul in order to keep me interested.
amazed by this cyber meat market, this endless array of perfect and available soulmates, you cruise the cookie-cutter ads until the pathetic hopelessness of it exhausts you.
this too shall pass, you think, ready to logout and escape into sleep, and then you see it. lost in the shuffle of mundance prospects, a bold and sassy ray of originality:
retired cowboy, speaks my mind, expects you to also. can tell many tales (some even true), been rode hard-put up wet with not too many mental scars. looking for someone who doesn't mind being entertained by a non-professional clown. i always have time to smell the roses or cow-lot, i don't mind you taking a nap in the middle of watching cloud races, knowing somewhere to fish w/o getting into too much trouble. at times i'm the one momma warned you about and other times...i'm not so bad, pretty much house-broke, usually i don't embarrass you too badly in front of your friends, on occasion have been known to say something intelligent. interested in a woman who can be herself w/o being concerned with what others have to say, a lady who can say what she is thinking (cause i'm not worth a flip at reading minds). you don't have to be a lady in public and a 'whatnot' at night- just backoff on some of belching and silence some of the windbreaking. i want a friend- not a momma, sister or judge. someone to be my equal, to laugh with, to watch the submarine races with; just be a standard-issue everyday human being.
suppose you sit there, reading it, re-reading it, stunned by the raw, outspoken poetic honesty of this hapless lonelyheart. and just suppose, instead of sitting back and waiting for that heartbreaking, beautiful new door to open on its own, you take a giant leap of faith and reach for the knob yourself....