04-04-02 - 9:32 p.m.
i am struggling to keep the hotel afloat between management companies. morale is bad. the level of service is shit. rachel and i are so overworked and underappreciated that we drink on the job. once we get silly, we charge on. today, after hours of bedmaking, we drank daquiris until hotel hell didn't matter so much anymore. i am torn between hanging on to see it through, or bailing and leaving the mess in the hands of the new company who thinks they can make it work. today, i saw a sign at taco bell. 'now hiring friendly people.' i almost considered it.
my emotions are exposed on the outside of me, and it's not even rag time. this morning, patrick told me i'm very capable at handling the demands of an extramaritial affair. he has no idea what a daily struggle it is to share him with g and control my jealousy. she bakes. she sews. she designs quilts. she plans dinner at breakfast; wholesome balanced meals with three vegetables and dessert. my idea of dinner is a bowl of cereal and three episodes of 'whose line.' last week, it was cold king crab legs over the sink, so i wouldn't dirty a dish. she calls him honey and never says fuck. she believes in god and prays when things get bad. i am an atheist who calls him a codger and drinks away the demons. i have a tattoo. she has the rights to his bed. he loves us both, and while i am always amazed by the generosity of his heart, tonight it fucking sucks.