06-01-04 - 12:43 p.m.
we had our first visitors from california this weekend; it was funny to see them survey my acre of sand with subdued horror and try to offer something remotely complimentary. my oldest, heasley, is convinced people only come to the desert because they are running from something. or someone. which, in my case i guess, is true. try as i might, each email contact with the codger still stabs my heart and makes me cry. i cry as i sit here today, wishing for the indifference i can't seem to find. how long does it take? months? years? forever? tomorrow i am meeting someone new for coffee; a sweet lummox of a man in rumpled denim who finds reasons to come through my checkstand at walmart and finally worked up the nerve to ask me out. for ICE CREAM, no less. and wouldn't you know, dammit, his name is jim.
note to verdine: yes, i will run toward the ice cream. i will embrace the ice cream. wish me luck.