04-14-03 - 8:13 a.m.
sometimes i like to think i'm the role model for all the amoral mistresses of the world. i should give classes, for fuck's sake. never call after 4. never wear perfume. never show your jealousy. for extra points, shop religiously for his wife's passion; in this case, raggedy anns. study up on his passion; in this case, antique clocks. feign interest in his children. feign interest in his grandchildren. show genuine interest his career. his politics. his sports team. struggle with his guilt, but deny your own. always create the illusion of paradise, despite zits or cramps or dust bunnies in every corner of the house. take pride in your blow jobs. take pride in your frivolous lack of domestic skills. be prepared to feel like the most valued woman on the planet. be ready to compromise your integrity. learn the real meaning of heartache. most of all, get aquainted with your own company, because in between the stolen moments, the beautiful trysts, loneliness becomes your best friend.
living by the articles of adultery is no easy task, and i have a tendency to rewrite them to suit my current moral compass. this week, that big milestone in his life, the 50th wedding anniversary, is eating me alive with shame. so this morning when he called, i told him i needed a break.
you never give me a choice anyway, he said, and hung up.
if you ask me, his entire life is one big fucking choice. spoiled brat.