01-25-03 - 9:10 a.m.
in this dream, i run into my mother in what seems like pic-n-save, but isn't, just long enough to realize that something is terribly wrong with her. she vanishes, back to fresno, and i begin a futile search that involves 411 and an answering machine with her voice, detached and indifferent- i'll be out of the hospital by thursday- and remembering my brother lives nearby, i'm dialing him, and he answers, but the connection is bad, and just like her, he's detached and indifferent. what's the big deal? i should've called you? why? and i'm sputtering with frustration until i wake myself up, damp with sweat and fear.
it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this one out; a dead mom, a brother lost somewhere in the bowels of thailand- i'm craving family ties that don't exist anymore.