10-29-02 - 8:12 a.m.
it's not enough to teeter precariously on the edge of middle age and struggle with it like a sullen teenager; i can now add cowardice to my list of flawed attributes. the girl who bravely pulled the plug on bad career moves and relationships and boldy marched ahead without looking back is gone, replaced by an insecure stranger whose idea of change is a new slipcover for the couch. what if i quit the job i no longer love? what if i gave the man in my life an ultimatum? what if i sold my house and actually moved to a hamlet in the desert to become a big-haired waitress named flo? once upon a time, the what ifs were tantalizing. now they're just terrifying. help.