07-05-02 - 5:10 p.m.
my cool shell of indifference, which has long since worn off, petrified patrick. after the third day of lighthearted, detached banter and no gushing professions of love on my part, he called the hotel and with unabashed candor, said; what's going on? i'm insecure and i'm not sure why.
i told him i wanted to maintain an even strain. i was tired of wearing my emotions on the outside of my skin, raw, like wounds.
you can't help it, he said. you're in love. can i come over in the morning?
so while g fed the homeless on the 4th of july, he came over. after kissing berrie's shaved head and gently chastising her for smoking, he sprawled on my bed in his 501's and ate a croissant with black currant jam. we tried to read the san francisco chronicle like civilized adults but ended up in a clinch. when berries walked in and tugged on my toe, we flew apart like foolish, heated teenagers.
you look cute without your baseball hat, she told patrick. i want to rub your head and make a wish.