01-28-02 - 8:15 a.m.
in order to love patrick, i have learned to play by the rules of our unorthodox relationship. the longer i live within the limitations of his commitment to me, the more normal it becomes. i have taught myself to separate the time he shares with me from the life he returns to each night. my cool detachment regarding g has become an art form. so why the fuck am i so envious today? he spent yesterday doing what they often do together; watching football. i hate football. the man is the love of my life, but i would not sit beside him and watch football. i'd rather iron. or scrub the toilet. i'd rather have a root canal. you get the picture. so the problem today is jealousy, gnawing away at my heart like a disease, reducing me from the soulmate i pretend to be to what i really am; the other woman.